What are some of the problems facing relationships and how can the Shamanic, seemingly archaic worldview give a helping hand? Well, let's enumerate the problems and see if anything can be understood...1) The 2 are from the different cultures, ethnicities, nationalities, races - view this situation as you would look at the two different fruits of a tree. In other words don't attempt to turn one thing into another, unless you are out performing a magical act, by which I mean that the change that you are envisioning in the other individual is so important and has to be so profound, that you are putting everything on the line to make it happen. It also helpful to understand how particular things are viewed from the perspective of that individual's culture? In other words, you must study in order to gain some solutions on the subject, but make it light as there is no reason to fully transform yourself into someone else's cultural type as even that may not be enough to satisfy anyone.
2) The 2 are from different financial backgrounds. As I understand, historically speaking it used to be a rarity that 2 people from different financial, (which also signified social) backgrounds would become united. I think that has changed a lot with the advance of the technological age - we can and do exist more or less side by side; buy pretty much same gadgets, eat from more or less same stores and even restaurants. However, there is no reason why the two people from different financial background shouldn't be able to make each other happy as long they can isolate themselves from the negativity, which may include opinions of people close to you, such as your close family and friends. An arranged marriage is not as common as it used to be, but it still exist as a convenient way for the older folks to resolve the younger people's issues. Look in paragraph #5.
3) Same financial backgrounds. A relationship involving 2 of the same strata, such as corporate professionals, or farmers or anyone else should be happy together by all means, but their problems may arise from the fact that they have different visions of progress together. One of them for example may crave a "better life" not knowing exactly what that entails, as for another one, he or she may feel comfortable with being where they are. In any case, the common solution requires lots of compromise and the unity of vision. If it really feels like you are spinning into different directions attempt to just stop talking, and sit together in silence for a while seeing if the answer may arrive. Spending time together THAT WAY is essential from the perspective of the shamanic path which values silence over words. I recommend having some common activities together. "Let's go out!" etc.
4) Sexual issues. Sometimes you hear, "we are not having it anymore", or "there is not enough happening.." and so on hinting at the fact that when people are together for sometime, the excitement of seeing and feeling each other is not the same. The fire is going out it may seem. Don't be swayed, and remember that success is sometimes is in not seeing each other, and not even missing each other, because those are all may be old lived out patterns. May be you don't have to miss each other? May be it is good that there is a little coldness - it has a potential turning into a fire. Looking deeper - sexuality is not only sex but it is much more varying with little things playing big roles sometimes. Ultimately, I guess growing old together is letting go of all the foolishness of the youth and yet remaining attracted to each other.
5) Parents. Parents usually dictate their children what to do and how to conduct their lives, out of sense of protection for their kids. However not all advices are good, because they are basically parents' projection of their own personal ideas, perhaps of a more happy life. The formula may not work twice, and it is a good idea sometimes to disassociate yourself from your parents and make all the crucial decisions yourself. Although it may be scary, shamanic path teaches us that fear is inevitable but not final, and once it is understood in all its morbid glamour and glory, the apprentice learns how to go with it, around it, or any other tactic. I think if the two are united with this intention, any barrier can be overcome. Maturity, stemming from this perspective is an ability to face adversity in good form. Detach yourselves, avoid the gossip and move forward in a principled manner.
6) Children. When the children come into the couple's life they are a happy hindrance. To nurture children and yet to have time for ourselves is a subtle balance, but it can be achieved if the couple is looking into deeper perspective of things and is not swayed by temporary happiness. Although it is important to feel good, and contend, it is also important to understand that even though we give birth to children, they are their own independent beings in essence, and soon or later they have to fly free. Allowing for that free flight comes easier in some cultures than the others. An old joke about the difference between the Jewish mom and a Rottweiler still holds true today (Rottweiler eventually let's go:). In Mexican culture children are on their own early on, you won't see a Mexican Mom being overly protective of her children, as there is a notion that children have to be on their own anyway. With attachment children learn how to be dependent. Being let go, they have to learn how to function. I believe it is essential for kids to be able to spend time outdoors and learn the survival value in Nature so when the time comes for their coming of age, they are fully aware of their role in comparison to the very tall trees, very small ants, and very ferocious predators.
7) Health. When the issues of health arise, healing becomes an essential priority and all prayers are directed to the Medicine Buddha, the Virgin Mary, or whichever deity your culture worships. But that may not be enough sometimes - actions have to be taken. Moral and spiritual support is important, and also choosing the right doctor. How do you know which doctor is right? A true doctor is a healer of the soul along with the body. She projects confidence and is kind with a streak of discipline that only she knows the source of. Without consciously realizing you believe such person and their plan of action in regards to you or your loved one. This intuitive knowledge is available to everyone, but some have it more keenly developed, and it pays off in the right way by directing you. Of course, we cannot sometimes expect for it to do everything for us, and in the dire times loss becomes inevitable, but we must make efforts to educate ourselves about the meaning of life and death. Whether we are transcendental or not is not my question to answer, but I do understand that life and death are intertwined every step of the way. That is why the Oriental medicine says things that sound strange to the Western mind, for example "too much joy is not good for the heart". This is the source of the saying - when you laugh, being grounded makes your laugh more valuable. And when you cry, the same will put a streak of transformative value into it to keep you afloat with the realization that even death is not as final of an act of Nature as we were made out to believe.
On the other hand, if everything is done to nurture robust health, why worry? What are some of the things that improve health? Eating right, exercise, spending time outdoors, and doing things simply for the hell of it, for pleasure are all those ingredients that make healthy and content individuals. With that society becomes better. More than anything else though, constant learning, keeping the powers of the mind alive and functioning in a sense of all-encompassing knowledge is what makes us healthy and powerful individuals. The mysteries of the Universe are here to be delved in and discovered, and they don't yield their secrets easily to no one, even the most talented ones. So keep running to the beat of the forest like the Sacred Stag of the Celts and may the powers recognize You!
With Love,
Iggy,
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